This is hard

I'm in a whiny mood so please feel free to ignore this post. And here is my disclaimer before I even begin:

I know how lucky I am. I know the long road that it took for us to get here. I'm not complaining, just venting before I lose it. I would not trade this experience for anything.

I'm not superwoman, as much as I try to pretend I am. Things get to me after a while and I just can't deal anymore. I'm tired, my feet are swollen, I can't get my rings on, I have little extremities poking places that are making it hard to breath at times, my 2 year old is pushing major buttons, and I'm faced with my nemesis, drywall dust, this week. Again, I know how lucky I am but it's getting old. And given that it's only May, it's going to get considerably worse. Most days I can just shrug it all off but some days, it just gets to me.

I'm sorry to everyone if I'm cranky, pissy, whiny, and downright bitchy. I truly am. I'm just trying to find a temporary "normal" that I can live with until August.

Mother's Day

I have a hard time writing about Mother's Day because I know there are so many people who are where I used to be. All I can say is that I wish that everyone can experience being a mother in their lives and my heart aches for those who are waiting. I apologize in advance if any part of my post hurts or offends anyone. This is my blog and it's where I post about my feelings so I cannot apologize for my feelings.

As usual, A went above and beyond for me and I loved it all. That being said, the best part of my day, every day, is when she first sees me either in the morning or after work. The look on her face and the way it just brightens and breaks into a huge smile is the best feeling in the world. If I could be assured that I would get that same look every day between now and when I die, I would not need another gift ever (not that I need them anyway, but you know what I mean). I'm not foolish enough to think that will happen b/c you know, we do have the teenage years coming up in 11 years. LOL I have a feeling I'll see enough scowls then to last me a lifetime and make me rue the day I ever gave my mom a hard time.

I cannot even begin to imagine what this little one will be like but I cannot wait to meet him or her. This week, it's a boy. This changes every week with me but I guess I'm entitled as I am the mama. C felt the baby kick for the first time last night and it was awesome. He never had that opportunity with A b/c she was breech for so long and never did kicks that you could feel from the outside. This is a whole new experience for both of us and it rocks. I find it very hard to believe that next year I will be a mom to 2 on Mother's Day (fingers crossed, of course b/c everyone knows that nothing is certain unfortunately).

As of my OB appointment this coming Friday, I am on 2 week visits. How the hell did that happen??? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was gagging and dry heaving. In 2 weeks, I'll be in the 3rd trimester - really???? Can you tell that this blows my mind? I think it's more that I'm in denial about this little one arriving and everything that still needs to be done. C is making awesome progress (b/c he rocks!!) on the list and the contractors will be here Monday so I think we'll be ok. I started a list today of stuff we need to buy for both A and the little one before August. It's not a short list. LOL

Rainy Saturday

It's definitely a rainy, dreary Saturday here in New England. We have not seen much of the sun this week at all but maybe tomorrow?!?!?

I'll start with some updates to previous posts (in bulleted form b/c i'm really lazy sometimes):

• My brother and J tied the knot on Thursday in Yosemite. They sent some pics and it was gorgeous. I really am happy for them even if I'm disappointed that we were not there. Congrats L and J! xoxo
• My husband and my BIL's (J and J) just rule. Last weekend they put the swingset back together, laid down new deckboards, built a retaining wall, and other thing. Thanks guys!!!

That's really it for the updates. We had our second swimming class this AM and A had fun but I don't think she enjoyed it as much as last week. She was also tired and has been a royal brat since we got home. So I'm blaming that. C took some pics today and if they aren't too bad (aka of me), I'll post some when I get around to downloading the camera.

We are heading to MIL's this afternoon to have dinner with her and some BIL's for Mother's Day. My MIL always wants Mother's Day to herself so we try to see her on Saturday. I have no idea what I'll do tomorrow but if I know my husband and my daughter, I'll be spoiled rotten. We probably won't get to see my mom but who knows. The woman just can't stay in 1 place for very long. lol

That's it from rainy NE. Best wishes to Des' husband next week! I'll be thinking of you F!!!!

And a happy belated birthday to Meghan!!!!