Survived . . .

Christmas. There has to be a way to prepare for Christmas without running around like a chicken with your head cut off. There has to be.

I had such a Xmas "hangover" that i fell asleep on the couch not once but twice on Friday. Thank god A was a good little girl and didn't try to escape. In my defense, I was asleep for all of 30 seconds each time when she would drop something or turn on a loud toy and wake me up. It has seriously taken me all weekend to recover from the week leading up to Christmas (and Christmas itself).

I actually have not left the house in 2 days. I have not even got out of my PJ's today and it's 9:25pm. And I'm ok with it. I just needed a few days to do nothing. We did play a lot of Wii today - mostly MarioKart. I wanted to break out my Guitar Hero that C bought but I knew A would want to play with the guitar so that didn't happen. And I'm just too tired tonight. We un-decorated the Christmas tree so that is done and it's on the curb. I think I"m done with real trees. Artificial is so much easier. If I can find a nice one on After Christmas clearance, I'm sold.

I have 3 official days at work this week and they should all be jam packed. I say "official" b/c year-end is Wed and I have to have December closed by noon on Tuesday. And we are off Thurs-Sunday. I will end up working over the weekend in order to meet that deadline and then I'll take time after the year-end stuff is done. It's the only way I'll get it done.

Anyway, Christmas was good. We spent Xmas Eve at my MIL's and that is hectic but nice. My 5 year old niece was a little off the wall b/c Xmas Eve is also her birthday but I just tried to remember that. Christmas morning/early afternoon was here and my parents came over. Then around 2:30 we headed to my uncle's for my family Christmas with my mom's family. We got A home around 8:30 and put to bed and we were in bed by 8:40. No lie. We were SO tired. A was excellent though and so social with everyone which was awesome b/c she has always been so shy. It was great to watch her. And it's so obvious that Pops (aka Bop aka my Dad) is her favorite. She was his shadow all day. As my mom said to someone (about Bop and C being A's favorites), "Christie and I are waiting for the next one to get our turn." I try not to let it bother me but I blame myself for part of her favoritism. It took me a while to bond with her after she was born and I know that plays a huge part in it. God that make me so sad even 2 years later. Even when she only wants to rock with me lately and have me sing to her. It still makes me sad. Why couldn't I be a better mommy from the start???? OH well, it's nothing I can change now.

That's about it from here. My asscheeks are numb from being a couch potato all day so I'm going to bed. Makes sense right? LOL

OhOhOhOh and Congrats to my BIL, Jim and his FIANCEE Allyson! I knew it was coming but I was sworn to secrecy so congrats guys! Can't wait for the wedding! xoxo

Thankful

It's 11pm on Christmas Eve and I'm up and blogging. My husband is out doing side work and although I'm annoyed about it, it is what it is and I can't change it. I just hope he can get home soon so he can get at least a few hours of sleep.

I'm very much like my father in a lot of ways and I consider this a compliment. One way we are alike or one habit he has passed down to me is reading the obits every day. Don't ask me why I do it - it's one of those things.

Anyway, I read one tonight for an 18 month old girl who died after a battle with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 (SMA-1). I then went to her Caring Bridge site and bawled my eyes out like I have not done in a long time. To have your first child, a perfect little girl, only to be told less than 3 months later that she is terminally ill and will die. I cannot even imagine.

A is 23 months old tomorrow and she is my heart and soul. I honestly do not know what I would do if something happened to her. Reading stories like that one just make me realize how important it is to not sweat the little stuff. I need to enjoy my daughter more and let the housework pile up. She is an amazing little person and I am SO lucky to have her. Even when she annoys me and tries my patience (as most 2 year olds do), I need to remember what a blessing she is. She was meant to be with us and I know she is a miracle.

Merry Christmas Baby Girl. Mommy loves you more than I ever begin to tell you.

Another Monday post

Are you sensing a pattern here? lol

T-minus 3 days until the big day. I have 1 batch of cookies baked and 4 more to go. Have I mentioned that these batches are double batches??? oy. My goal was to be at least halfway done baking by the time I went to bed last night but it didn't happen. Why didn't it happen?

1) C was out most of the day yesterday so I only had naptime to bake (I have NO issues with him being out at all, just for the record)
2) BIL and his GF came over for dinner/Xmas with Amelia as they will be in NJ with her family for Xmas
3) Our furnace freaking died at 6pm last night. One minute it was blowing hot air, the next cold air. If I wanted cold air, I'd open the @%^$^@%$# windows!

So, as a result of #2 and #3 above, A was up until almost 9 b/c it was too cold in her room and we didn't know if we needed to go crash at my aunt and uncles' house in the next town. So, no baking last night. But thankfully we have a very responsive repairman who finally got it running enough to get us through the night and he'll be back tonight to replace a part and get us 100% fixed.

Then A was up basically from 2:30-4am with gas. So, we got little sleep. I really need to stay up as late as possible and bake, bake, bake tonight but we'll see how long my body lasts.

Here is a very funny A story (and I apologize to those of you who have heard it already!) C emailed this to me one day last week:

So here is a funny story that I heard this morning from Miss Darlene. This is baby tad. Baby Tad is a fixture in the infant/toddler room. All the kids love it. Mostly the older kids (Amelia, Crystal, Halle, William, Andrew, etc..). Anyway, apparently our daughter is the controller of this toy. If anyone else so much as touches it she sets them straight and makes them realize it is her toy for the controlling and no one else is to touch it. lol If that isn't enough she plays pied piper with it. As soon as she has it in her mind controlling hands all the other kids gather around. She will then start to push the assorted buttons and mesmerize the children with the different songs and overwhelm them with her masterful control of this seemingly innocent toy. Then at her desire (probably when she gets bored of entertaining these pawns) she pushes the right hand button, which you will notice has a musical note on it and a picture of a moon. Yes, you guessed it. It is the "night night" song. When she presses that, all the kids... ALL the kids put their heads down and lay on the floor as if they are going to sleep. If anyone tries to get up before that song completes they feel the wrath. She scorns them with a verbal lashing which will scar these poor children for times beyond their lifetime. (She probably just tells them NO and night night NOW). lol The toy does not get put away until she says it does. Careful not to abuse her power over the children she does give up control of Baby Tad to the teachers upon request... but other children are just not allowed.

I'll try and write again before Christmas but I make no guarantees. If I don't, I hope everyone has a great Christmas (or Hanukkah!)

xoxo

Monday Monday

I know it's been a while and I figure I owe my 1 loyal reader a post (Hi Des!).

The weekend was a busy one. We had Grace's 5th Birthday party on Saturday morning/early afternoon here. Amelia had a great time painting her own plate with Daddy. Then she was clearly in need of a nap so we hit the road with a screaming child. About halfway to Nana's house, we had to pull over so she could puke all over herself and Daddy's car. Fun times. Here are some pics from the party

C and I had his work Holiday Party on Saturday night and that was a good time. You just can't complain about a $10 meal with it includes 2 Surf & Turf meals! YUMMY!!!! We were home by 9:30 so it was a typical late night for us :P

Sunday was just breakfast out and then C went to get A and I went grocery shopping. It was my own personal version of hell. I will NEVER go to Market Basket at 11am on a Sunday again. NEVER. EVER. EVER. I'll starve first.

Anyway, all the Christmas stuff is coming along. C and I had some time off last week and we got a lot accomplished including the cards mailed and a lot of gifts wrapped. We also saw 4 Christmases and it was very funny. This week is just some last minute shopping and wrapping. I'll bake cookies starting over the weekend and through next week. All the dough is done already and in the freezer so that is half the battle. I'm making Snickerdoodles, Chocolate Pixies, Snowballs, Russian Teacakes, and Peanut Blossoms. If I have time, I might do some Oreo Truffles but I'm not holding my breath on those.

I need to dedicate this portion of my post to my husband who completely and totally rocks. Why you ask?? He was given 2 tickets to the Bruins game this Saturday. He told me to take a friend and he's giving me $100 for food, parking, etc! I have the day to myself! So I'm going with my friend Danielle from work. It should be a good time!

T minus 10 days until the jolly guy in red shows up! I'm starting to get excited! I can't wait to see A's face when she opens up all her awesome gifts. I think we went a bit overboard this year but it's all good. We have our reasons and she deserves it even if she's being a bratty almost 2 year old!

Till next time which will hopefully be sooner than later!

xoxo everyone!

Christmas Chaos

And it's not even Christmas yet. Actually, it's 18 days until Christmas. ARGHHHHHHHHHH!


Anyway, things have been insane both at home and at work, hence no posting since before Thanksgiving. We had a nice Turkey Day until we had to pack up and leave my parents first thing Friday morning to get A to the doc. Poor baby was sick AGAIN. So after 10 days of Amox, she's still sick. I hate winter. It's one cold after another.

We spent this weekend just getting stuff done. We got the yard raked (finally) and all the outside toys, etc put away. Just in time too b/c we got snow today! I made some cookie dough and addressed some xmas cards. And we got our tree yesterday and C and I just decorated it and the rest of the house. We are almost done shopping and just need a few more gifts.

Next weekend is our niece's 5th birthday party on Saturday during the day and then we have C's work Holiday party on Saturday night. I can't believe how close Christmas is!!!

C is off M-Th this week and I'm off Mon and Tues. We are hoping to spend 1 day just getting stuff done around the house and another day we will go to lunch and a movie. I wanted to take more time off this week but work just isn't making it possible. Maybe next week . . .

I'll leave you with some pics from Thanksgiving!

Finding my motivation again

It's coming back slowly but surely. I am finally seeing the big picture about WHY I need to get this weight off. I need to live to see my children grow old and my grandchildren grow up. I'm seeing that I'm not invincible and that I am susceptible to obesity induced illnesses. I'm seeing that my husband has a prescription for cholesterol medication that he is not filling and he needs to fill. So if he won't fill it, I'll make it my mission to hound the shit out of him to eat right and exercise and try and control his cholesterol that way. We may have a very large life insurance policy that would help to ease my pain but I don't want him to die young b/c he was too stubborn to take medication or to help himself. Our little girl needs both of us around for a very long time to make her life hell :)

Obviously the night before Thanksgiving is not the ideal time to start focusing on weight loss but the fact that I'm realizing what needs to be done is huge. Huge.

So stay tuned for my progress. I won't make any great proclamations about recommitting, blah, blah, blah. It just doesn't work for me. I'm going to live my life and lose weight in the process.

Off to read my 2 Weight Watchers magazines for recipe ideas!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just a little flashback from November of last year . . .


I hope everyone enjoys the holiday!

Short, stressful week

It may only be a 3 day work week but it will be a jam-packed 3 day week. I'm very much looking forward to Turkey Day and the weekend and I hope that we can get some much needed and much deserved downtime.

This past weekend was weird. That is the only word I can use to describe it. C had to go do side work on Friday night and got so tied up that he emailed me at 2:30am that he was crashing at his mother's house (both are 45min from us and 5 min from each other). Of course, I was up worrying about whether he was driving or what until about 2am. At that point I finally passed out and woke up around 4am to his email. Then A was up at 6am and I'm not even sure I got back to sleep at 4 so I was essentially working on 2 hrs of sleep. We hung out here until about 9am at which point we packed up and headed to BJ's and then MIL's and Daddy. I left A with him and went and finally got my haircut and then actually went to the movies by myself. That is a first and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. A few years ago, I never would have done that. I think traveling for business by myself has brought out a different, more independent side of me.

Anyway, I saw Twilight and it was very good. I just finished the 3rd book in the series and now I"m waiting on the 4th and final one from the library. I'll be sad when the series is over, I think.

Saturday night we had Pint Night (Ben & Jerry's, not Guinness) and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yesterday we got up and headed to the flea market to buy a ton of toys for Toys for Tots. We got a few for A as well but the main purpose of our trip for TforT. We stopped at MIL's and C's side job and then headed home. I desperately needed a nap so I crashed on the couch and actually slept (i'm totally not a napper) and he and A went and played in the leaves and then went and picked up our new plasma for the bedroom and dropped the toys off. I made some filets for dinner and that was pretty much that. We took advantage of our new TV and crawled into bed at 8pm! Gotta love that sleep timer!

As you can probably tell from my avoidance of the subject, WW just isn't happening. I am trying to make good choices and biding my time until I can ge my motivation back. I didn't make it to my meeting on Sat b/c I had A and didn't have the energy to take her and chase her. Depending on when we get home from the Cape this weekend, I"ll try and go on Saturday.

Not much else is new in the land of the McQ's. Pretty boring stuff actually. I'll leave you with a recent pic of Miss A and her new winter coat (thanks Nana!):

Stressful times

The holidays are always a very stressful time of year both at work and at home. It's even more so now that we have A. It is SO much work to get ready for them and then they are over in a blink. Why do we do this to ourselves? It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I'm totally overwhelmed about everything that needs to be done for the holidays. It doesn't help that I'm bad about asking for help and then get mad when C can't read my mind and just know what needs to be done. Yeah, i'm a basketcase.

I'm having issues with my memory (this is not a new thing) but it's starting to scare me. Am I crazy? Do I have a serious issue here? I don't even know what is "normal" and what isn't when it comes to memory loss.

Tonight I got upset b/c it seems like life is so out of control and we just can't stop and enjoy it. And why are we even trying for another child when I can barely cope with A and our life most days. I think I was born w/o a coping mechanism or something. I just shut down. I barely have time to get everything done now, what the hell will we do with another child??? I know it's doable - people do it all the time. I just don't know how I will do it. Yet I want another child more than I can even express. A is the greatest gift that I have ever been given and to have another child would just be a blessing beyond words.

Much overdue update

I apologize for going MIA after that last post. Life has been a little insane lately. We went to NJ for the wake and funeral last Sunday and Monday. We spent the rest of the week finishing up the painting, etc in our bedroom so the carpet could go in on Friday. And then spent Friday night and Saturday trying to put the bedroom back together.

On Saturday night A was pretty sick so we were up for most of the night. On Sunday, C was out most of the day so it was just A and I and then she and I were home today b/c she still wasn't/isn't feeling well. C and I did manage to have a date night on Saturday night (before the illness struck) and it was nice. We went to dinner with another couple and then grabbed some ice-cream on the way home. We were home before 9pm. LOL We are fine with that.

On the WW front, I've switched to Winning Points for this week and we'll see how that goes. My range is 28-33 pts and I had 32 today so I'm doing ok. I do need to work on the fruits/veggies though. I'm definitely lucky if I get 1 a day and that is not good. Tonight I made one of our old favorites, Cajun Pasta Supper. I usually do it with either sausage or shrimp, not both. Tonight it was turkey sausage. YUM!! And low in points!

I'm hoping this week is a little quieter but we shall see.

Update on Shorty

Update at 1pm:

Shorty passed away a few hours ago. I am SO SO mad that when I found out I just started punching things. It just is not fair. I'm waiting to hear more details from my brother about the services and then we can determine if we are bringing A or not. I will leave it up to them. Please keep J's family in your thoughts, they are going to need it.



My brother sent me a text around 7:30am that they finally got to the hospital at 2am after some delays (stupid weather). Shorty is not looking good but still hanging in.

I'm home sick today and just praying for him as hard as I can.

Many thoughts and prayers needed

As you may have seen in previous posts, my brother's fiancee's Dad has had a rough road and has not been doing well. My mom and I took J to NJ 2 weekends ago so she could visit him while she and my bro were in town. I'm so glad we did. We got a call late this afternoon from my brother that they were at the airport in San Fran waiting for their flight to NJ. J got a call from her mom this AM that her father woke up disoriented this AM and was back in the hospital and it was not looking good. They could not get a direct flight so they are not getting into Newark until midnight. I am hoping and praying that they get there in time.

I have known Shorty (J's Dad) for a long long time. Before J was my brother's fiancee, her oldest sister was my college roommate. He is a wonderful man and is too too young to leave this world. Cancer should not take anyone and I'm so so mad right now.

So if you can, please pray for Shorty and the whole family.

Happy Halloween

I'll be honest and say that I do not have it in me to properly blog right now. I did not sleep last night so I am freaking tired and heading to bed very, very shortly.

Here are some pics from Halloween tonight and our little dragon :)
Quick update on Gem: He is doing MUCH better!!! YAY!!!! Keep your fingers crossed that he continues to improve! A and I are going to see him this weekend anyway - we need some wet horsey kisses!

Some bad news (possibly)

So, many of you know that I grew up riding horses and it is my passion even though I don't do it right now. When I got out of college, I bought a gray Thoroughbred gelding named Gemini Grey or Gem for short who is the sweetest boy. He was my best friend for a few years. Once I went back to grad school while working full-time, something had to give and it was Gem. My mom had just put her gelding down for health reasons so she bought Gem from me and it worked out wonderfully b/c he was able to stay in the family. That was over 10 years ago and they have been inseparable ever since.

Typically gray horses tend to get a lot of skin melanomas as they get older. They aren't like an aggressive cancer like in humans and typically they can continue to lead normal lives. Gem has a bunch and has had them for a while. Last night one of them burst and he is now in a lot of pain at the top of his tail and he can't lift his tail. The vet came out and said that while she wants to rule out that he injured himself while turned out but what she really thinks is going on is that he has some internal ones in his rectum that are pressing up on his back/tail area. If this is the case, he is not a candidate for surgery for a few reasons :( . He is in a lot of pain right now and he can't live like this if it's a permanent thing. The vet wants to give him a few days on antibiotics and cold/hot compresses to see if it will heal itself. If not, I think my poor mother will have to put him down. I'm devastated. She's devastated.

Please keep Gem in your thoughts - he is such a good, good boy and does not deserve to go this soon. I'm trying to find a pic of him to post but I don't have any on my laptop. I'm going to keep looking.

So frustrated

I need to preface this post by saying that it is not aimed at anyone nor is there anyone on my mind as I post it. It's a vent, plain and simple.

It is SO frustrating to want something so badly and to not be able to have it and have no control over it either. I'm starting to hear of more and more people who had their first baby after I had A and they are already expecting #2 or have already had #2. I don't begrudge anyone any joy or happiness - I just find it so frustrating and unfair for us.

The worst part of it all is the not knowing. Not knowing if we will even have a successful pregnancy when we try again. I wish I had a crystal ball for many reasons. First, obviously, to save us the pain of a another loss. But also for some practical and logistical reasons. If we are not going to be blessed with another child, we don't need to buy A furniture in a few months. We can just convert her crib to the full-size bed and be done with it. I'd hate to buy all new furniture right now and then not even use the crib again. I think the practical side of me is trying to put up a brave front.

I really never thought I would be this upset about the possibility of not having another child. There was a time I didn't think I wanted another child (obviously that has changed!) I just want to know. I want to be able to move on if it's not going to happen and be excited if it is.

ugh. And now the tears are flowing. I need to go to bed.

Unsettled

That is how I have felt all day. Crappy and unsettled. I think a lot of it stems from what I just wrote to my new WW email buddy, Jenny (Hi Jenny - keep rocking!!!). I'll c&p here to give you the basic idea:

I'm a controller for a defense subcontractor. The company was originally privately owned (my uncle was a partner) and it was great. In 2005, my uncle's partner forced him to sell to a publicly traded company. My uncle did not want to sell at all but he couldn't afford to buy his partner out so he was forced into it. That transition was tough but manageable. In Dec of last year, that company was gobbled up by *very large company* (named changed to protect me - lol). That transition has been hell. Pure hell. And now it appears that they are probably going to completely shut down our facility b/c it's not big enough to sustain the overhead it takes to run it. We were profitable as a private company but with all the misc. charges that come down from a parent company, we are struggling. I"m just SO upset. My poor uncle has worked so hard to build this company (we've been in business for 24 years) and they are essentially throwing his life's work down the drain. And I'm VERY angry at his former partner b/c this is all his fault. Had he not forced the issue of the sale, we'd be chugging along right now. I think I would be one of the last ones to go as I am a very key employee but I'm just having trouble dealing with it all. This is going to have a huge impact on if and when we have another child so I just want to know exactly what is going on and stop speculating.

I can't stop thinking about it all and what it means for our life. I've been so stressed out that I haven't even wanted to eat (hence why I have the shakes right now). I feel so horrible b/c I've been a biatch all day and I haven't had a lot of patience with A. Luckily DH is a saint and he has been very understanding even if he has wanted to smack me.

I'm trying to find my WW mojo but it's just not happening. Ugh.

I'll leave you with a recent pic of A (like I haven't posted enough lately! lol)

Batgirl, remodeling, and other things

First, here is Batgirl :) Batgirl did not want her pic taken AT ALL wearing a bat on her head but I snuck a few in among the "No, mama, stop" protests cuz I'm good like that.


So, my darling husband emailed me yesterday to gather my thoughts on remodeling our bedroom. Now I'm all for this project. The part that I should have known was coming was the "well, I think we should do it next week". Um, ok. So it looks like we are emptying out the bedroom on Monday night and proceeding. We'll have to relocate upstairs until it's done but that's fine. We'll (I say we'll but it will mostly be C but I will do whatever I can) be replacing all the trim, the closet doors, all the electrical (which requires taking down the bottom couple feet of drywall all around the room), replacing the carpet, repainting, and doing new bedding and curtains. We are also putting a plasma up. SWEEEEEET.

My brother and J are coming into town tomorrow AM on the redeye and we are gathering at Chez McQ for dinner tomorrow night. It should be fun! Then on Sunday, mom and I are taking J to NJ to visit her Dad who has had some complications lately. It will be a quick trip but I think it will be a good one.

As for WW, I'm tracking today and so far, so good. That was my 1 goal for today - just to track it all regardless of how it left me at the end of the day. Baby steps, right?

CORE vs Flex vs Eating like the world is going to end

So, Day 1 of CORE went very well until the blueberry pie came out. But even still, I had plenty of FP's for that. Day 2 of CORE went down the drain very early when AF showed up. I'm in munchie mania right now. And honestly, I have the "I don't give a shit about eating right or losing weight" mentality. It's bad and I know it. Ugh. I just can't get my BTTW motivation back again. What will it take to get it back??? I just don't know anymore. I've tried contests and threats and everything else under the sun and nothing works. I hoped that the mere idea of being healthy for my daughter would be enough but evidently it's not. And I think I figured out why. I think it's because I haven't been scared there yet. I'm healthy right now so why bust my ass? Nothing has happened to scare me into losing weight. That's sad that it's come to that.

Sleepless Night = Babbling Post

Well, it's 2:07am and I can't sleep. We were all so exhausted that C and I went to bed right after we put A to bed tonight. I should know by now that going to bed that early doesn't work for me. I've been wide awake since 11:45pm or so. Ugh. I'm hoping that a little surfing will make me tired enough to get a few more hours before A gets up.

As you can see from the graph on the right, I gained bigtime today (2.2). I totally expected it and I'm fine with it b/c I went out to Alicante last night with Shelby and Karen. I drank way too much Sangria, we split 3 apps (littlenecks, scallops and bacon, and stuffed mushrooms), I got the Lobster Ravioli, and then we had dessert. So yeah, I deserved that gain. But we had a great time and it's always good to see the girls!

I grocery shopped today with the full intention of doing CORE this week. After I got home I realized that I just can't be CORE on the weekends. It's just not us. So I'm going to try doing Flex for Sat and Sun and then switching to CORE for M-F. I know it is not recommended but at the very least, it will get me eating healthier during the week. If it doesn't work weight-loss wise, I'll continue to eat CORE but count the points for it. As a little personal motivation for myself (considering I can't seem to find motivation anywhere else), I have decided that I will not allow myself to make my Nov hair appt until I get out of the 230's. We budget a certain amount every month so that I can go get my hair cut and colored every 3 months and anyone who knows me knows that I look forward to this very much. I'm due to go in November and maybe, just maybe, this will give me the push to stay OP for more than 3 days at a time. oy.

We took A to the Big Apple today with our friends M&H and their son R who is 9 weeks older than A. We went on a hayride and the kids LOVED it! Then we took them to the pumpkin patch and let them pick out their pumpkins. A needs one for daycare this week so we got 2. I also bought a bag of apples and I think I'll make some apple cakes today. The horses that pulled the hayride were named Molly and Dolly and they actually live at the farm where my mom keeps Gem and live in the stalls right next to him. It's amazing how much weight they can pull going uphill and how much weight they can hold going downhill!!

Here are some pics from today!

Trying to be more positive

I realize I've been a Debby Downer lately and I'm trying to be more positive. Here is today's list of good things in my life:

1) The car is legal and inspected and good to go. Thank god.
2) A gave me an unprompted "Wuv Ooo" this morning
3) I have dinner plans with good friends tomorrow night
4) We have plans with M&H to take the kids to the Big Apple on Saturday. I can't wait!
5) I finally finished the twin size quilt and sham I was making and can now work at a slower, more enjoyable pace!
6) My brother and J are coming home next weekend!
7) I have a great husband and daughter. Can't get much better than that!

That is all folks!

I'm mobile again

Yes, we have the car back and they did what we needed done w/o any lip! Now I can finally go get an inspection sticker tomorrow which is a good thing b/c my 7 days is up on Thursday! I ended up calling my uncle at 10pm last night and he picked me up this AM. He lives in the next town over so it worked out. The only downside is that he doesn't go into work for 8am so he didn't even pick me up until 9am. But either way, I didn't have to thumb to work.

C and A picked me up at work around 4pm and we went and got the car. Then we went to MIL's for dinner and a visit. We haven't done that in a while so it was nice. A and I left around 7:30 and I told C he could stay and visit and I'd take her home and put her to bed. Poor little chunkzilla stayed awake all the way until about .75 miles from the house! So she went right to sleep once I carried her upstairs. She was so good tonight too!

So I just cooked up the ground beef and turkey sausage that I'll use at some point this week for Pizza Pot Pie. If I didn't cook it tonight, I was running the risk of it going bad so it had to get done. Now I'm just farting around online. MIL gave me a book to read that I need to return to BIL tomorrow night and I'm mad b/c C put all the bags in his car at MIL's so I can't read until he gets home! I didn't even realize it until we got home! oh well.

I'm *this close* to becoming one with a bottle of wine

I'm so freaking frustrated and aggravated and pissed off. The car is not ready. Why, you ask?? Because the dealer's mechanic was off today for the holiday. Now I asked this question on Friday and was assured that they were open. Had I known otherwise, I never would have brought the car down last night and I could have gone to the Cape this weekend!!!!! I'm so mad. Now I need to figure out how to get to work tomorrow and how to get to the dealer to get the car. Where C has the daycare run, I have no idea how he could take me to work. Normally, I could work from home but since they migrated our network, I not only can't get into my VPN, I can't even get into Outlook Web Access. And my Blackberry decided to stop receiving work emails on Friday when the lovely IT boys messed with my email. Joy.

Anyone headed to Wangpole tomorrow AM? I'll be the girl with her thumb out.

I love Monday holidays

Thank you Columbus for setting sail with the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria. Because of you, I get a free day off today :)

A spent the weekend with Meme and Pops on the Cape and she is on her way home right now. I missed her so much!!! That being said, it was a nice weekend. I took C on a surprise date on Sat night to the Chihuly exhibit at RISD. I must say that I was disappointed at the size. It was tiny compared to the one in San Francisco. Then we went to dinner at Prezo and C was able to have his favorite dessert ever. After that, we crawled into bed upstairs and fell asleep to the Bruins.

I was supposed to head to the Cape yesterday AM to spend the rest of the weekend there. But on Friday I found out that our nice new car needs tires and front brakes badly and most likely would not pass inspection right now. Needless to say I was NOT happy at all. So in order to get that taken care of, it is back at the dealer right now and I had to stay home to get it down there. I have C's car and A and I will pick him up at work this afternoon and get the Sonata if it's ready.

So instead I spent most of yesterday sewing. After we went to breakfast at our fave b'fast place, of course!

That's about it from here. Hope everyone had a great weekend!!

Therapeutic Post

At least I hope it will be therapeutic. I HATE my body. Hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. What did I ever do to deserve losing 2 babies?? It's just not fair. And to see everyone around me having their 2nd children without any issues (in most cases) just pisses me off even more. I'm not mad a them, not at all. I'm mad at my body and it's inability to come through in a pinch. And to know that we essentially have 1 more chance for child #2 just brings me to tears. I HATE THIS, HATE THIS, HATE THIS.

Believe me, I know how lucky we are to have Amelia, especially given what we've found out about my health impairments. But it doesn't make the pain any less. The pain of losing 2 children and the pain of the large possibility that we will never have that 2nd child. At this point, all I can do is have faith that my body won't let me down a third time.

What a difference a day makes!

I'm not so cranky today :) Here is a rundown of why . . .

1) C and I each made a meal for the week last night. I love cooking ahead
2) A was super cuddly last night
3) We both got up and worked out this morning
4) We bought the Sonata :)
5) A is going with Meme and Pops this weekend and C and I have a date on Saturday and it's a surprise that he has NO clue about
6) Monday is a holiday

Today is a good day fine people of the interwebs!

In case you care, here is the new car:


xoxo

Feel better Shelby!!!!

God, I hate Mondays

As I just said to Shelby, I am hella cranky today. We had an incredibly busy weekend with very little relaxation and that always sets me up for a cranky Monday. Plus the alarm went off at 4:45 am and we both rolled over and went back to sleep. Yeah, that's going to help us. Especially after C went to bed at 7:45 last night and I followed at 8:45. Absolutely no excuse for not getting up this AM. That made C cranky which in turn made me cranky. Love the circle of life :(

Here is a brief rundown of our weekend:

Friday night, I honestly have no idea what we did. I can't remember shit.

Saturday: I went to WI and then grocery shopping. C had gone and picked up an auger and Jake's Christening gift with A while I was gone so he started on the the fence around 1:30. A and I headed out to my mom's barn so she could see the horsies. She loved it. Uncle J and Steph came over to help C with the fence and they left around 6:40. At that point, we had huge bowls of ice cream for dinner and watched 2 episodes of the Shield.

Sunday: got up and showered, etc and A and C went to return the auger and pick up tights for A at walmart. I started my soup, made the salad for the Christening and when they got home, we left (around 9ish, I think). First stop was Dunk's b/c I totally forgot to eat b'fast. Doh. Then we headed to Tom and Michelle's in Taunton to visit for a little and return their PC that C was working on. From there we went and looked at the Sonata and then from there, headed to Berkley for the Christening party. A fell asleep as soon as we hit the driveway. So I sat in the car with her while she slept. The weather was ultra crappy yesterday so the party got moved indoors and the house just isn't big enough. So we made a very early exit.

At this point it's 2pm and A has slept for a whopping 1/2 hr since 6:20am. She was a BRAT. At one point after we got home, C picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and carried her up to bed. She yelled and screamed and never slept but once she calmed down, we let her come back downstairs. It was hairy at times but we made it till 7:30 and overall, I really can't complain after we kept her out all day and she survived on a 1/2 hr nap.

I stopped at a yard sale on Saturday and picked up a talking tricycle and a Little Tykes rocker for A. She LOVES her rocker and I will post pics later but loves to sit backwards in it and rock really fast. She scares me when she does this but as long as one of us is right there to make sure she doesn't go over backwards, we let her. My daughter is a speed junkie. Here is a pic of the rocker that I stole from someone online. You see how she can sit backwards and put her legs through?? Only my kid.
That's really it from here. C is getting his permanent bridge in today (YAY!!!) and will finally be able to eat normal food again. And we might be buying the Sonata - just waiting on the call from the salesguy for the yes or no on the offer we made.

Happy Friday!

I'm in a rambling sort of mood so bear with me during this post because I may jump around a bit. First, LOOK AT AMELIA BELOW!!! hehe Yes, I'm AWing my daughter again. Get over it.

Hmmm . . . what next? Work blows with a capital B. We are being forced to reorganize and it now appears that my new boss is none other than my nemesis. I don't like him, he doesn't like me and he thinks I'm an idiot. Lovely combination, huh? The only good thing is that he's based on Long Island and NEVER comes here (knock on wood). I also heard that the Incentive Comp packages came out and he has mine! Please let me know what I'm getting!

Still no call from the OB but that's fine because C and I had a heart-to-heart the other night (much overdue) and finally got back on the same page again and we will be waiting until after the holidays to try again. At least that is this week's plan because of course, we reserve the right to change our minds at any point in time. But as of right now, we want to get through the holidays and enjoy our daughter and try and get a little bit healthier . . . which leads me into my next paragraph.

I've done it. I've slept downstairs for the past 3 nights and I'll be honest, it's not so bad. But if you asked me at 2:15am this morning, I would have disagreed with you. I woke up to a screaming child and had to haul ass upstairs. But it's all good. Sleeping downstairs has enabled us to get up at 4:45am on Wed and Thurs this week and workout before she gets up. That coupled with mowing the lawn last night has me feeling pretty good right now. We slept in this AM b/c of the 2:15 incident but I'm fine with that. But shhhhh, don't tell my husband that I said any of this ☺.

This weekend is chock full of plans! Tomorrow I will be going to WI and doing the grocery shopping, etc as I usually do on Sat AM. Then Uncle J (my BIL) is coming over to help C put up more fence. C and I are also planning to do a lot of cooking at some point for the week. We are making Taco Bake, Crisp and Creamy Baked Chicken, and my veggie soup. We are trying to make a few things each weekend that can be frozen so mealtime isn't so rushed during the week. Let's see how it goes. On Sunday it is Jake's Christening!! We are also stopping at our friends house so C can bring back their computer and we are test-driving a car. I think the time has come to replace the Altima. So we are looking at an '03 Sonata. Only 2 years newer than my car but it only has 19K miles. So, we'll see how that goes.

Oh and last but not least, I am a SUAF dropout (my WW girls know what I'm talking about). I just don't have the time to devote to it right now so I chose to bow out. I'm still OP but just not blogging about it.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Shameless AW Post

Just to show off my beautiful daughter :)



I'll write more about life tomorrow!

Good news, I think

I called my high risk OB's office today b/c I had not heard from them regarding the Protein C test they ran last week. My OB is off for the Jewish holiday and has not reviewed the result yet but it came back at 77. The normal range is 70-140. My first result was 68. I'll be honest here, I do not have the warm and fuzzies about this. But when my doc gets in the office and can review them, I will trust whatever she recommends. Of course I don't want to do 2x a day shots but these results are so close to the bottom of the range that I'm nervous to not do them. Does that make sense? Either way, she is the expert so I'll go with whatever she decides. Stay tuned!

Now onto other areas of my life that don't involve blood and reproduction. C and I are cleaning and rearranging the spare bedroom tonight so that we may start staying in there. I'm very anxious about this as this bedroom (which incidentally used to be our master before A was born) is on the first floor and A will still be on the second floor. C really, really wants to move down there so that 1) we can get up and workout in the AM (right now, we cannot get up or set an alarm w/o A waking up b/c her room is off of ours and she hears us), 2) we can watch TV in bed again (we both miss this), and 3) I don't think I need to explain this one - use your imagination. I'm not 100% on board with this b/c I'm not comfortable being so far away from her in case of an emergency. But I promised C that I would at least try it. I also told him to not be surprised if he wakes up in the middle of the night and I'm not there.

As for WW, I'm still on plan I just don't feel like posting about it! lol

I have a dilemma

And let me preface this by saying that I'm not expecting to get pregnant on the first month we try again, especially where it took so long all the previous times.

That being said, here is my dilemma. if we were to TTC this cycle and I were fortunate enough to get pg (which I know is a longshot), I would be due on July 2 and most likely have a C-section the week prior to that. I have a cottage booked in Truro with the rest of my family for July 4-11. So either I would give up the rental (which I would hate to do b/c I'm really looking forward to this) or be a totally insane person and try and go with a newborn and a toddler 1 week post-C to a cottage the size of my kitchen. C is not planning on spending the whole week down there b/c as previously mentioned, the cottages are tiny and he really does not care for a week on the beach.

I'm very anxious to start trying again and I feel like time is ticking away and if we were to hold off 1 more cycle, it just delays us even further. But, if I cancel the cottage, we are out $550 unless I can find someone in my family who wants it. Do we just roll the dice and go for it and deal with the conflict if and when it arises?

And this is all dependent on what the OB says about my Protein C result (I still don't have it back yet). If we need to add 2x a day Heparin shots, that may add a whole new spectrum to TTC. ugh. I thought 13 vitamins was bad. Yes, 13.

The other side of this is if we do hold off for 1 cycle, I could be 9 months pregnant in the middle of July on a beach vacation in a miniscule cottage with a 2 year old. Yes, I'm insane either way!

So, any thoughts at all would be greatly appreciated. This is a convo that C and I need to have very soon as I'm on Day 3 of my cycle and I have short cycles.

WI Results!

Down 1.4 today! I was hoping for more but considering that I did not have a good Thursday or Friday and AF started on Thursday night, I'll take it!

The Good, The Bad, and the Eh.

The Good:

~I'm OP still
~I appear to be mostly over whatever little cold I caught on my travels
~I had dinner with an old friend last night and we had a great talk
~My little brother got engaged on Tuesday!!!

The Bad:
~We saw the high risk OB on Tuesday and I did test positive for the MTHFR gene and had an abnormal level of Protein C.
~I now have an old lady pill organizer to keep track of my vitamins as a result of the above (4mg Folic Acid, B complex vitamin, Prenatal vitamin, low dose aspirin)

The Eh.
~The OB retested my Protein C. If it's still abnormal, I need to go on Heparin shots 2x a day from when we start trying until 6 weeks post-partum
~Work blows
~A had me up most of the night so C and I are both sleep-deprived and cranky

That is a the quick and dirty version of my life! Gotta go get some work done. Joy.

Any web guru's out there??

I'm struggling with a few things on this template so if anyone has any insight, I would greatly appreciate it!

1) Update: I figured this one out!!!! I cannot get my blog description to show up. I'm sure it's a matter of putting in a line of code but I don't know XML from a hole in the wall

2) Although it's on my page layout, the Blogger NavBar will not appear. Um, come out, come out whereever you are!!!

I'll do my WW/doc appt update/everything else post tomorrow. I'm going to bed. TIA to anyone who can help! xoxo

New Template!

Still struggling with the template . . . bear with me!

Successful Weekend!

As previously mentioned, I did go back to WW yesterday after a 2 week hiatus from meetings and a good month hiatus from being strictly OP. I'm back and I'd like to say I'm better than ever! LOL

I did use 22 Flex this weekend and 2 AP's but I still have 13 Flex so I'm ok with that. That is normal for me anyway and I tend to eat more/worse on the weekends.

My lunch and food for tomorrow is ready in the fridge and our menu is loosely planned for the week:

Tonight - the burgers the size of my head (Update: they were ok, not great)
Monday - BBQ chicken, pierogies, some type of veggie
Tuesday - steak tips, couscous, some type of veggie
Wednesday - I'm out so DH will scrounge something up
Thursday - flatbread pizza
Friday - fish sticks and french fries

As for non-WW related stuff, aside from A being sick, it was a good weekend. I could tell on Friday that she was coming down with something and she was up a lot on Friday night. By Saturday the snot was flying everywhere. And I think she isn't as much sick as she has her cuspid teeth coming in. One broke through already but i'm sure the rest are right behind. My poor munchkin. Plus she has had gas issues and woke up from a nap yesterday screaming blood murder for at least 20min. Luckily that passed b/c she was inconsolable.

C worked on the fence most of the weekend and got it all torn down and 5 sections put up. All the post holes have to be redug so it's very time consuming. When the previous owners put the fence up they didn't use 8 foot lengths consistently so in order for us to use the original holes, we'd need additional lengths of stockade and have a lot of waste. Yeah, not going to happen.

We took A to the Great Pumpkin Festival in North Smithfield yesterday. It was a gorgeous day and I think she enjoyed herself but I think she'll really enjoy herself next year when she can play the "carnival games".

The Wii is still down so I'm planning to get on the elliptical tomorrow night and try and do the C25K on that. I know it's not the same but it's better than just going round and round.

Have a great Monday!

It could have been worse

I went to WI this AM and amazingly enough I only gained 1 lb over the past 2 weeks. I was so shocked that I almost fell off the scale. I had dreamt last night (during my whopping 3 hrs of sleep) that I gained 4 so that is what I had in my head. So, all stats are updated and I'm BTTW. I've already been grocery shopping and stocked up on a lot of fruits and veggies and healthy snacks. I broke out the crockpot to make my favorite veggie soup with chicken (although I think A is waking up so I may be delayed on making that) and I will make veggie chili (that contrary to the name has beef and chicken) tomorrow for C so I can always tap into that if I need to. But I think I'll be good.

Tonight we will have these huge burgers that we got at the butcher that have cheese and bacon right inside and I will eat mine, enjoy it, and journal it. Easy peasy.

Hope everyone has a great fall Saturday!

Back to Basics

I've been trying to re-focus on weight loss since I got home on Tuesday and it's just not happening. So, I went back and read some of my earlier posts on this blog and it hit home that I just need to start over with my promises to myself and my commitment to a healthy lifestyle. So, these are the promises I made to myself when I started back hardcore in March and I like them so I'm sticking with them:

1) I will attend my WW meetings every Saturday (this usually isn't a problem but I still have to say it)
2) I will make time to exercise at least 3x a week if not more.
3) I will journal EVERYTHING regardless of how negative it puts me

Starting with WI tomorrow AM, it's balls to the wall OP. From now until Thanksgiving. No excuses. I'm hoping that A behaves enough for me to stay for the meeting but we'll see. I'm going to let C sleep in tomorrow and take her with me. Like a good WWer, i'll plow her with snacks to keep her quiet :P

If you don't see daily tracking posts from me, call me out on it (at least for Mon-Fri). I tend to not get to the PC much on the weekends.

I have to do this for my health and for my family. It's just not funny anymore.

8 days and finally home again

I got back on Tuesday afternoon and landed in my driveway around 4:45pm. I didn't bring my housekeys for 2 reasons:

1) I'd probably lose them somewhere
2) I figured C and A would be home before me

I was home first so I sat on the backstairs surrounded by bags and waited for C and A to get home. When they turned the corner into the driveway, the look on A's face was the best sight I had seen in a long time. You could tell that she was just as excited to see me as I was to see her.

Here is a brief recap of my travels (if you care, if not, just skip down about 3 paragraphs!)

Salt Lake City - left Providence around 1pm on Monday and landed in SLC around 6:30pm. Got the car, hit the hotel, and promptly ordered room service and started working. I was under a deadline so I worked most of the night. Here's some comedy for you though. The driver of the car service that picked me up at home I nicknamed Father Time. He was about 80 and when he saw my suitcase he said "typical woman packer". In my defense, I was going for 8 days, 3 cities, and both work and business so I needed a lot! So he gets it in the trunk and before we pull out of my driveway he starts popping pills. At this point, I was praying that he stayed alive long enough to get me to the airport. LOL After some pretty pointless meetings, I left SLC at 3pm on Wed.

San Francisco - this was the pleasure part of the trip. I landed at 4pm on Wed (gotta love time changes) and grabbed my bag, walked out the door, and my brother had just pulled up to the curb. We could not have timed that better. We then headed in the Mini (what a cute little car!) to his section of town called the Western Addition. I won't get into gory detail about everything we did while I was there so here is a bulleted list:
~ Tour of Alcatraz (very cool!)
~ Ate and drank a lot including Indian (really not a fan), Asian Fusion, French Seafood, pizza, and Ben & Jerry's. I ate with chopsticks for the first time ever and managed to try 3 new beers. Oh and drank WAY more coffee than I am used to!
~ The Chihuly Exhibit at the de Young. Absolutely amazing!
~ Walked around a few parts of Golden Gate Park
~ Went to Ocean Beach and then hiked up to Lands End
~ Of course, Fisherman's Wharf
~ Went to the Ferry Building and the markets
~ Walked down to the Marina and into the Presidio
~ Had lunch with a good friend who lives in Sacramento that I have not seen in years!
All in all, a great great trip to SF. I was sad to leave my brother and J and can't wait to see them in October. I do not miss those hills though. oy.

Virginia/DC - arrived at 12:15am on Sunday night/Monday morning. Waited at least 45min for my luggage. Took shuttle bus to Hertz. Got to my hotel at 1:30ish. In my room at 1:47am. Asleep at 3:48am. Up at 6:30am. You can imagine my state of mind at that point. Think a jet-lagged Rottweiler hopped up on caffeine. Yeah, that was me. Spent all day in meetings and then out to a great, great Italian restaurant in Reston. OMG the food was SO good. I had this for my entree:
Cappellacci di Zucca
Ravioli filled with butternut squash and walnuts; tomato sauce, brown butter, Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese and crispy sage

Absolute heaven!!! That along with fried calamari, bruschetta, and some killer dessert just about sent me into a coma. I stayed for the AM meetings on Tuesday and then headed to the airport. God I hate Dulles. What a freaking PITA airport.

I apologize for all the links in this post but I really felt I had to include them so you could see what I was talking about!

It's great to be home and back with my family! This weekend C is replacing the fence with help from 2 of his brothers. A and I will be running some errands and heading to Auntie Shelby's on Sunday AM for breakfast. C and I are also taking A to the Pumpkin Fest on Saturday. That should be a blast!

Then & Now: September '08 Version

Ok, ok, I know I'm not around and not posting but it just occured to me that I didn't do my Then & Now posting before I left! So, without further adieu, here it is:

Amelia - September 2007Amelia - September of 2008

I'm in San Francisco and flying out tomorrow for DC. I'll finally be back home on Tuesday night so hopefully life will get back to normal and I will be posting more regularly!

xoxo to everyone until then!

It's official

A has Hand, Foot, and Mouth. C got the call around 3:30 today. My poor munchkin!!!! I just want to be home right now to cuddle her and help C. I know he doesn't need my help per se but things are always easier when there is 2 of us. So, they are home for the next few days and she might be able to go back on Thursday depending on how the rash is.

I am in Salt Lake City and it's 10:30 local time but 12:30 EST and I'm freaking tired. I just had to work for the past 3 hrs and now I'm ready for bed. I'd like to try and get up and hit the gym tomorrow. Yes, you can pick yourselves up off the floor now - esp if you are my husband :) We'll see how well I sleep tonight. My goal is to use this trip to jumpstart my exercise regimen again to a certain degree. Plus it will help to counteract all the crap food I'm sure I'll be eating. lol

Adios!

And I'm off . . .

My car should be here in about 15min and I'm off for 8 days. I bawled like a baby when C and A left this AM. I've never cried like that when I've left before but I think because this trip is so much longer. And because A was sick this weekend. God I hope she's ok and doesn't come down with Hand, Foot, and Mouth.

Have a great week everyone and I'll check in next week!

Des - negative on 9/15 - I have a work function :(

Yes, I'm posting again

I can't sleep. I'm so stressed and worked up about this travel that I'll be lucky to sleep at all tonight. I think I would be wise to stay away from the nail gun tomorrow. I'm bound to nail my hand to the wall.

So, on top of what I've gotten done this week, C has also rocked. He filled some gaps in the foundation with concrete, leveled and cultivated A's swingset area and put down weed barrier, and fixed/covered a hole in the siding where the old electrical service came in. He's been busting his ass and I know we are both pretty pleased with what we have gotten done. Tomorrow (or today if you look at the clock), we will be pulling down all the baseboard in the living room to put up drywall under it. Then off to lunch!

Since my last post last week, I have not been able to get back to my sewing machine. I did go to Joann's today and get the grosgrain for the quilt but then ended up spending the night as follows:

~7:15-8pm: pick out and order A's Halloween costume with C, plan lunch for tomorrow, talk about other random shit
~8pm-10:30pm: research and book new flights, car, etc. Call Delta to change flight from SLC-SFO. Get moron agent who originally books wrong flight. Find car service to drop me in Providence and pick me up in Boston. Write short blog entry. Cry.

So, I'm hoping to sew Thurs night but if not, C is going to a concert on Friday night with my BIL so I will at least sew then. All night. Until the quilt is done. I'm hoping it doesn't take too long but we shall see. I need to get it done and out before I leave. Ideally I want to get the sham out too but that won't happen. I'd also like to get Des' quilt fixed so if there is a chance I will see her when I'm in VA, I'll have it with me. Des - I know you are reading this so email me and let me know if you are around on 9/15! xoxo

My husband is a saint. He really is. He has not complained once about all this travel and how my simple 4 day trip to SF has stretched into 8 days with 5 flights and 6 cities. Yet I know how exhausting it is to take care of A all alone for 1 or 2 nights, nevermind 8! I'm going to do my best to make sure that the house is stocked with food, diapers, etc before I leave and make some food so he can eat on the go while I'm gone. I'll also make sure the laundry is up to date and the house is fairly clean.

My biggest concern with this whole thing is A. Is it irrational that I fear that she will forget me? I think that is why I can' t sleep. I keep crying b/c it's killing me to know that I will be away from her for so long. I honestly don't know how I will cope. Don't get me wrong, I will miss C like crazy too but honestly it's different with A. C knows where I am and understands. A has no idea where I am and all she knows is that mama isn't there to say goodnight or good morning to her. Oh god, I'm bawling now. I'm SO close to postponing San Francisco and coming home in between trips.

Vacation shouldn't cause stress

Well to be fair, it's not vacation that is causing it. It's work. Yes, work on vacation. Thanks to my crackberry. I got an email today that I need to be on VA on 9/15 and 9/16. Um, I'm on the redeye and landing in Providence at 9:30am on 9/15, how can I be in VA at a meeting??? Do the math. More flight changes. Ready for my schedule next week???

Mon, 9/8 - leave Providence and go to Salt Lake
Wed, 9/10 - leave Salt Lake and go to San Francisco
Sun, 9/14 - leave San Francisco and go to Washington DC
Tues, 9/16 - leave DC and go home but to Boston this time.

OY OY OY OY

I'm going to lose my mind not being able to see my husband and my baby girl. I know people do this all the time but I don't care. I don't want my child to think that I deserted her. I'm so sad.

C and I talked tonight and after this, I will be turning down trips that I don't feel are extremely important. Me being gone affects him professionally as well b/c it limits his availability.

OY

We are getting a lot accomplished on vacation so that is good. I've gotten all the kitchen trim painted as well as the touch-up paint in the kitchen and the dining room. Tomorrow we will work on the drywall in the living room in the AM and then we are going to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory in the afternoon. YUM!!!!

Ok, gotta go make more flight changes and let my brother know about the latest!

One more day, one more day . . .

Until vacation. I think. I say I think because I really think I'm going to have to do some work next week. It sucks but it is what it is. I'm going to bust my ass tomorrow to do as much as possible and have minimal to do next week.

Aside from being like a one armed paper hanger at work, I've been working pretty much every night this week (except Monday) on a twin size quilt. One thing is for sure, if I ever do this size quilt again, it will be in 4 or 6 pieces that get put together after. It's just too hard to maneuver the fabric around. That should be done next week and it will be a HUGE weight off. This person has been waiting SO patiently and I feel so horrible that it has taken me so long to get it done. I still need to do a sham for her but that is child's play after this. Here is that quilt so far:

Then I need to fix Des' son's blanket that fell apart after washing. That one just pizzes me off like you would not believe. I don't make my stuff half-assed! It shouldn't fall apart. But alas, it did and I will gladly fix it and get it back to her as soon as possible! This is her blanket:

That's it from The Ham. We are Cape-bound tomorrow night so don't expect much from me until early next week! Beach, here I come!!! xoxo and have a safe and happy Labor Day weekend!

A Monday Post

Mondays typically suck. This one wasn't so bad. The weekend was quiet and unproductive but not totally relaxing. I hate those. What did we do this weekend??? Hmmm . . . took A to the playground, drank a lot of wine, went to the Outback (where we skipped the appetizer and I only ate 1/2 my burger while we were there and no dessert), attempted to swim but it was too cold, drank a lot of wine . . . . Seeing a pattern here?? lol

Anyway, onto Monday. Work was nuts but I expected that. I actually got a lot accomplished today and that is good b/c I have to have the 2009 Op Plan wrapped up before I leave on Friday. That should be fun. I already sold one of the Coach's that I put up on ebay and got that shipped today. I'm hoping the other one sells too! I'm planning to maybe buy myself another bag and put whatever money is left towards Sweet Pea Babies and lowering the debt that it owes the house. It's the responsible thing to do but I'll be honest, I hate being responsible sometimes (ok, all the time, who am I kidding?)

Then I left a few minutes early (b/c I was in at 7:30 b/c I knew my receptionist could not be counted on to get in for 7:30 in absence of the 7:30 girl and if you followed that, you get a gold star) and came home and started the pasta for dinner (made the sauce yesterday), folded laundry, and ran the dishwasher. We ate and then A and I went to get a few things at Stop & Shop while C mowed the lawn. It was KEY to get those 2 things off the list o' things to do.

Once we coaxed A into bed at 7:40ish, we took care of some *ahem* personal matters, chatted for a bit, and then (drumroll, please) . . . I finished ALL MY SCHOOLWORK FOR THIS CLASS. Seriously, of the 100lbs of weight on my shoulders, that was about 33lbs lifted. I am so freaking excited!!!

So, that is my super-productive Monday! Yes, I occasionally like to toot my own horn.

Let's hope for a Terrific Tuesday! Oh god, I'm such a dork sometimes!

Oh and to be completely and totally dorkish, I am downstairs on my laptop and C is upstairs on his dual monitor desktop (yeah, I'm jealous) and we are emailing each other. I'm sure it would be easier to just talk but yeah, we are dorks.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

JACOB IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going at 110 mph without brakes

That is my life lately. It's insane. Work is absolutely nuts and will be from now until whenever. I was told on Tuesday that I need to be in Salt Lake City on Sept 9-10. So now I'm leaving home on Sept 8, going to SLC, leaving SLC on the 10th at night and going to San Francisco until Sunday night as originally planned. I am not happy at all about being out of town for an entire week but it is what it is. I'm just afraid that I will be so anxious to get home that I won't enjoy myself in SF with my brother and J like I should. Stupid work crap.

I'm chugging along with the sewing and school. School is done at the end of next week. Thank freaking Scooby. My goal is to focus on the sewing this week and my final school stuff next week. I will workout when I have time and ambition but I'm not killing myself to do it. I can't. That type of mentality totally shut me down last week.

Ok, gotta get back to work. So much to do, so little time!

The latest!!

The chest tube is out and he's doing great :) He appears to be comfortable and the hole(s) appear to be closed. At this point, we are in a monitoring phase so please, please keep your fingers crossed that he continues to improve and will be home very soon.

My SIL sent out some pics tonight and when I saw the first one where he had his eyes open and looking straight at the camera, I cried. What a beautiful sight!!!

Update on Jacob

I apologize for not updating since Friday AM - I was on the Cape all weekend with limited (aka only when my brother was not on his laptop b/c I didn't bring mine (shocker, I know)) access to the Interwebs.

So . . . Jacob is doing remarkably better since he was transferred to Boston on Friday AM. As of Saturday, he had a feeding tube, chest tube, and breathing tube BUT the hole was almost closed. On Monday they will try and clamp off the chest tube to see if he's still getting air in his chest cavity and if not, they think he will be home by the end of the week!! They are very positive that the tests that they are running Monday will show that he's on the mend.

I cannot thank everyone enough for their good thoughts and prayers. Most of you know that I'm not a religious person at all but even I pray every now and then so thank you from the bottom of my (and DH's whole family) heart. DH just got a text from his brother with a pic of my SIL and Jacob that he took today. She finally was able to hold her baby boy again. It brought tears to my eyes.

My little (and only) brother was in town this weekend for a wedding so that is why A and I headed to the Cape. I'll leave you with a few pics :)

"Mowing" the patio with bubbles

Building with Pops is so much fun!

A with her Pops on the beach

Good thoughts for Jacob

Jacob's lung collapsed last night and he was going via ambulance into Boston. They have determined that he has a hole in his lung. We could use all the good thoughts that you have right now.

Jacob is here (and other ramblings)

My new nephew Jacob was born tonight at 5:34pm weighing in at 5lbs 12 oz and 18" long. What a peanut! My SIL went to the doc today with HBP and a headache so the doc sent her right over to the hospital and said "we are doing the C today". Given her history, it was a smart move. He is being monitored for fluid in his lungs so we are waiting to hear if we will be able to see him tomorrow.

I could go on and on about why I'm so overwhelmed right now and why I had a mini breakdown tonight but I won't. It's just the same old shit. As usual, I take on too much and then can't handle it. I need to survive the next 2 weeks and then my class is over (unless I just stop doing the work before that) and we are on vacation. Just 2 weeks. I can do that right?

It's 10pm at night and I just finished working out. That tells you something. Something has to give.

Fake it till you make it

That is 200% me today with being OP. I SO don't want to be yet I'm taking it one meal at a time. I have to. I'm still trying to figure out when I'm going to WI this week. Obviously I don't want to WI at night where I am normally a morning weigher so that limits me. I could leave work around 9am on Friday and run up and WI but that means no b'fast or coffee until 10am. Um, no. I can go to Hyannis and WI on Sat AM and that is a strong possibility especially considering that A will probably be up at the asscrack of dawn and I'll need to get her out of the house before she wakes up the whole house. Maybe that is the plan. The other option is if we don't go down until Sat AM, i'll run to Milford and WI at 7am and then we can leave. I guess I'll have to see when we are going down and if we are all going or not.

It's just a very blah day. Blah weather. Blah mood. Just blah. But I'm over here faking it pretty well to try and get my act together.

But in AWESOME news . . . A has peed on the potty for the past 2 nights before her bath. Don't know if it's a fluke or what but she likes to sit on it while her bath is running and low and behold, she's gone for the past 2 nights! YAY A!!!!!

The close of another weekend

Time is just flying by way too fast lately. Here it is Sunday night again. Some days I just want to freeze time and others, I want it to fly by! It was definitely a family weekend.

Friday night I did some major sewing and C watched some horror/suspense flick. On Saturday I went to WI and got my hair chopped. Yes, chopped. Well chopped for me. It's pretty short right now and the fact that my husband has not commented on it means he hates it. That's the good thing about hair . . . it grows back. Saturday afternoon, C went with is brother and his brother's GF to a cookout at an old high school buddy's house near us. So A and I got some quality mom/baby girl time. That is always good. We played for a while and went grocery shopping.

On Saturday night we ate taquitos and ice cream and watch The Nanny Diaries (C's choice - he's good like that). That movie got to me. It was all about neglectful parents and there was one scene (if you haven't seen it, stop reading b/c I will spoil it) where the nanny was involuntarily leaving and the little boy was running after the car screaming. I lost it. I absolutely lost it. I was so upset the whole rest of the night. I came so close to picking A up out of her crib and cuddling with her all night in the glider. I just don't understand how people can treat their children the way they do sometimes. And I know it was a movie but I also know that people like that really exist.

Today we did a family lunch at DQ and then had a visit from our friend Heather and her son. It's been a long time since we've had a chance to catch-up so that was really nice. It's amazing how big the kids have gotten!

I just finished putting more touches on the twin size quilt that I'm making for a friend. Honestly, I'm not the least bit happy with the way it's turning out. It's just not even close to my vision and given the issues that I'm having with maneuvering it around the machine, I can't add too much more. I really, really hope she likes it.

I have no desire to workout or count points this week but i know i have to. I just need to force myself to. ugh. C and I need to do get serious for A and for ourselves. So much improves when we are both lighter and it just needs to happen.

Quick Proud Mom Post

Yeah, I should be working as I'm out straight but I needed a little sanity break.

A had her 18mos appt yesterday and she is perfect :) I know all moms say that but she really is.

26lbs 3oz
32.5" tall
19" head circumference (yeah, she's finally ON the charts -WOOHOO for my big headed little girl ☺).

And she passed all her developmental tests with flying colors. The pedi was very impressed with her words.

I'm so proud.

So because we were home early d/t the pedi appt and it was raining, we were all going stir crazy so we packed it up and went shopping. We were in Burlington Coat Factory and I was looking at the vinyl tablecloths when C and A disappeared. I walked around the store a few times and couldn't find them. I could hear A but not see them. All of a sudden, they are walking towards me and A is dragging a Superman stuffed bear behind her. They walked through the whole toy department and that is what she picked up. So for $2 (yes, my baby is a bargain shopper like mama already), I bought it. He is now called SuperBear. Then we took her to Lowes. She just loves running up and down the store aisles. And I love that she gets to expel the energy! lol She was in bed before 7pm and slept until 6:30!

Once she went to bed last night, C twisted my arm (yeah, that was difficult :P ) and we had a rather large glass of wine. Then he ran me a bath and I soaked in the tub with another large glass of wine and a book. Totally much better than working out but I do feel guilty that I missed my workout. I'm afraid if I workout tonight, I'll show a false number at WI tomorrow. I don't know what to do . . . .

California bound!

I did it. I booked a flight to go see my little brother and his gf in San Francisco. I'm so excited!! I'm going Sept 11-14 so just a long weekend but it's enough. I can't, in good conscience, leave A and C home any longer than that. He's being so awesome letting me go for that long! C and I are talking about maybe going out there around our birthdays in March if we can talk one of the grandparents into babysitting :) The thought of flying across the country with A at this age just sends me straight into an anxiety attack. Yeah, I'm a wimp.

In other news, we have our appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist on Sept 23. I'm curious to see what she has to say about how to proceed. And nervous, of course.

Aside from having way too much to do and not enough time to do it all, that is it from here. I need a week's vacation just to work around the house!

Amelia vs The Spaghetti

The spaghetti won :)

Some answers

I just got a call from my midwife and some of my test results are in (from the 12 vials of blood that I had taken last week) and some are abnormal. She didn't go into specifics as to which ones but they are abnormal enough that I need to see the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist before we TTC again. Talk about taking the fun out of things!

So, I'm trying to not get down and stay positive. At least we have some answers now . . .

Productive Sunday

So far, anyway. But first, I maintained yesterday at WI. Not unexpected at all and I'm fine with it. I've already been journaling since then so I'm A-OK!

So, we all got up somewhere between 6 and 6:30 this AM and C left a little before 7 to go to work for a few hours. A and I played for a bit then we headed out in search of a vinyl tablecloth (yeah, cloth ones don't work with a messy toddler). Our first stop was Ocean State which didn't open until 9 (it was 8:15, oops). So we headed to WalMart instead. They had them but only in round and we need oblong. So we shopped for a bit and I bought her a Sesame Street place mat and a huge ball.

So we stopped at Dunk's and came home b/c she was so tired and needed a nap. She went down and mama went into action! I vac'd the spare bedroom, mopped all the floors downstairs, cleaned the bathroom, put up a new shower curtain, put towels and bathmats in the wash, and did a few craigslist postings to get rid of some shit. I'm just in one of those productive moods and that makes me happy b/c I've been struggling so much lately. I've honestly been questioning whether I need to go back on meds so a day like this makes me feel so much better.

Ok, off to do more before I lose my productive streak and before she wakes up :)

Thanks Des

My friend Des has started this thing on her blog where she shows pics of her little guy from a year ago to show the difference. I'm copying her (hehe). I'm going to do it at the beginning of every month (so remind me if you see me slacking!) So, here is Amelia 1 year ago - it's amazing how quickly they change!

I realized that I haven't updated on SIL. She's home on bedrest now (but not before going back into the hospital AGAIN for HBP) but so far, so good. If all goes well, Baby Jacob will be here next week (and yes, Aunty went shopping today!)

Are those all for me?

That is exactly what I asked the phlebotomist today. She took 12, yes 12, vials of blood from me. I saw my midwife for my f/u today and she wants to run tests for Thrombophilia to see if that is why I'm having trouble with pregnancies. If it is, great, we can treat it. If it isn't, we can rule it out. I have mixed feelings on it. On one hand, I'd love to have a "reason" but on the other hand, do I need another complication? Either way, it is what it is and I won't know the results for a few weeks anyway.

I'm banging into work tomorrow (shhh, don't tell anyone). Actually, I already told my boss (who happens to be my mom) that I am sick tomorrow. She's fine with it. I love her. I'm going to hit the bank to do the August banking, go to BJ's and do a huge stock-up run, go to the library, and meet a friend for lunch who is in town from VA. We grew up together and don't get to see each other often. After that, I'm laying on the couch or in the pool. Whichever the weather dictates.

I think A and I will end up on the Cape this weekend with my mom. Given what is going on with SIL, I don't think we'll be having the joint b-day party this weekend for MIL and BIL. So, I'm hitting the road to give moral support to my mom and give C a weekend to himself. Anyone who knows my aunt knows why my mom needs moral support. Cuckoo-cuckoo. I love her but she's nuts. Anyway, the big question is when to go - Friday afternoon and pray I get down there before dinner (aka Tantrums R Us) or Sat AM. I think I'm leaning towards Sat AM so I can go to my meeting and then hit the road (not to mention have reinforcements for dinner time - hehe.)

That is all folks. Tonight is pizza night, budget night, and I'll squeeze some WiiFit in there somewhere. I need a vacation.